


Epiphany

by She_Who_Only_Knows_War



Series: Lucy [11]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Christianity, Coming to Terms with Death, Frustration, Gen, Introspection, Possibly Triggering, dealing with the death of a loved one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:54:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4057303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She_Who_Only_Knows_War/pseuds/She_Who_Only_Knows_War
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her Grandmother doesn't understand. And Lucy isn't sure if she's right to be worried or if Lucy's epiphany is superior to her Grandmother's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epiphany

"Don't you ever wonder 'what if'??" Lucy's Grandmother yells.  
She's mad that Lucy doesn't care about her own death. It's coming. She can't avoid it. Why should she panic over small details?  
Evil is always going to befall her. And God has already shown her that He choses who gets what. She has no control. None.  
So what good is caring about whether or not what she does will kill her?  
She knows the limitations, though.  
It weren't as though she wishes to drink poison or handle venomous snakes or jump from a building, expecting that God will save her.  
Either He will or He won't. And all of it will be used the way He intends.  
There's nothing she can do.  
She can't change it. Fighting is pointless. A sick child throwing a fit on the way to see the Doctor.  
And she might miss Guinness, wish that Guinness was still alive. She would do a lot of things to be able to speak to Guinness again. To hold her. To argue with her and have their kids grow up together. To convince Guinness to name her daughter Ashley so Lucy could call her "Ash Ketch'em."  
To have Guinness ruin her wedding and fuck up all their carefully crafted plans.  
But she never thinks, "what if."  
Is that wrong? That by sheer force of will, she puts all of her regrets away. All the "Could-have-beens" are put to rest.  
She's well aware of what she wants. Of what she should have done. But that feeling of regret never comes.  
And even if it did, she wouldn't let it stay.  
She wouldn't be able to survive it. All of these things would push her to the end of her life.   
And she has come so, so close to the end before barely pulling through.  
Her Grandmother doesn't understand. And Lucy isn't sure if she's right to be worried or if Lucy's epiphany is superior to her Grandmother's.  
But to let such thoughts in creates arrogance. So she thinks they're just in different places.  
If Lucy can fully grasp this epiphany, it will transform her utterly.  
And her life will be more than a speck of dust.  
More than it is now.


End file.
